life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
