He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
