This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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