I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
