Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
