The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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