Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize