Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
