I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
