I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
All the doctor said was why
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize