He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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