I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The best revenge is premature balding
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize