My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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