Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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