My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
