Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
