I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Small penises have feelings too.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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