Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
