'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
