come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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