so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
