Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
