He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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