I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he fucked my hip out of place.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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