Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
