Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
