Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
