I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
