im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
