Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
