office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
