Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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