I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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