Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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