i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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