Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
