I wish I could teleport
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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