there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
