why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
