Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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