Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
