I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize