is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
