Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
