Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
