Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
