The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
