This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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