Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
