do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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