OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
