OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My ass is underappreciated
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
