Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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