Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
