this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
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