the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
