she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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