id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize