My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
