Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
