just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
