I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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