I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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