hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
