i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
