Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
